Wednesday, February 26, 2014

How a placenta made me normal again

I've written on here before about the postpartum depression I was struggling with. Depression is a lonely horrible thing to go through. Even though I had so much love and support from friends and family and especially Sean I still felt alone. I felt stupid, like a burden and like no one knew what I was going through. It was hard to say the least. There were nights I would just cry and cry. Sometimes I would go take a shower just so I could cry and not have Sean worry about me. I hated feeling like I couldn't control the way I was feeling. That being said I am thrilled (and slightly nervous it's not real) to say that I think I'm finally, after over 7 months of all that yuck I was going through, am myself again. I still have anxiety but I had that before I had babies but the depression intensified and made the anxiety more frequent. I can be around friends and not feel like I need to go back to bed so I wouldn't have to try so hard to not break down. Its a good feeling to be yourself. I owe it all to a women I don't even know and a midwife. 

Confused? Well here is the story. 

I have been going to a mom group for a couple months now. It is hosted by a midwife at her office. She has different topics relating to childbirth, pregnancy and parenting choices every other week and we get together and discuss and learn from each other and enjoy the input and stories. It's really amazing. Any who. My sister Amanda goes with me. We both would love to have a home birth day someday. But that's not the point of this post. I will get to that in another post. So we went to a meeting a month ago and the topic was breastfeeding. As you know I had to stop nursing Bekah because of the depression. I was ok with that and knew she was getting good food still and growing and happy. But for some reason hearing these women talking about breastfeeding and their stories it really hit me hard. I started crying and went to another room. Two women followed me and we talked and it was helpful but I felt stupid for crying like that.  I think I was most upset not that I am not nursing but that I felt like it was taken away from me with out my control. Stephiane the midwife came and talked to me after the meeting and we talked about my PPD. She told me that she had some placentas that were donated from women who were her clients that didn't want to do the pills. And that an encapsulation business donated their time and lab to dry and encapsulate them. This way she could give them to women who might need them. The placentas were tested for any diseases or anything that would make it harmful to use. So that was comforting. I have never been someone who was for eating a placenta. But after talking to Stephiane I was convinced to at least try it. She explained how the placenta has hormones and endorphins that will help regulate and balance my body out. The cause of my depression was that I was all out of wack with those things. I would rather take something natural that will help me than a pharmaceutical pill that I could get addicted to. I started taking the pills and with in the first week I had more energy. That helped with me actually getting up and doing things rather than being incapable to make myself get up. I can't really say when I felt normal. It kind of just happened over the next few weeks. So I stopped taking the pills. I was worried about it coming back but I am happy to say it hasn't! Obviously I still have bad days but that's just normal human emotions. I don't have the same bad thoughts or start crying for no reason during the day. I'm so grateful for it to be over. I am glad that I can use my experience to connect with others though and I think I have more compassion to those with mental illness or other trials they can't control. 

Bikini Body Update day 25-52

I have a lot of updating to do! So I'm taking the easy way and posting the Instagram posts haha.
I skipped two days since I was sick. And then I forgot to post pictures and updates on a couple days. Most of those days were Sundays which are rest days anyway. But I'm really loving this workout program. I am seeing results and that makes me so happy and excited for the end result. Yay!! 

I improved so much on the fit test!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Littles Love

-Rebekah has her first tooth! It's the bottom middle.  It popped out on Saturday February 1st. She is a grouch with her teething. Poor girly. The one right next to it is coming next. I can feel it. 
-Noah has been cuddling Bekah a lot lately. He loves squeezing her and she doesn't seem to mind it even when he is a little too excited haha.
-Noah was having a difficult time with staying in his big boy bed. But since we started just putting him back in the bed without the cuddles and talking when he gets out (after he has already had prayer, story and song), he has been doing better. 
- Rebekah pulls herself up to standing all the time now. She loves it! She can even stand without holding onto anything for a few seconds. I think she will be getting close to walking soon! 
-Rebekah is a noise box and we love it. She babbles and squeals and squeaks. Haha its so funny to listen to. Noah isn't a fan though. He is so sensitive to loud noises so he gets pretty upset when she gets loud. 
-when Rebekah decides she wants something she goes for it and gets really upset if she can't get out or it is taken away. Little miss just knows what she wants. 
-I gave Noah a hair cut. I'm getting better at it and he is being better at staying still and helping me get it done quicker. The trick is to cover him with a garbage bag and set him up on the table with the ipad. 
-Noah and Calli dressed up in our Halloween costumes from last year. They were so so cute. 
- we have been making forts around here a lot. The kids love it! 

Grandma brought us some fruit for an afternoon snack yum

Hanging put in one of our forts 

Sean got sick for two days and the Noah caught it and had it for 3 days. Then Bekah and I got it for a week and a half! Yuck. Its so sad when the littles get sick. 

Noah came and read me stories in bed while I was sick. He is such a a sweetheart 

Noah and Sean's sick day. Poor boys

Noah loves him some grandma snuggle time 

Grandpa loves 

We went to dinner with my bestie and her cute family for her birthday! It was really fun and delicious food. Isn't she gorgeous?! 
Our babies love lemons. You can't tell by their faces but they really do like it haha

And we have cute husbands 

Progress Update!

I was a little  lot disappointed when I stepped on the scale and measured this morning. I am still at the starting weight of day one and I've only lost a half inch from my waist from day 15. I was pretty upset. I wasn't in the mood to work out and I just wanted to quit. It didn't help that both my kids are sick today. Poor little dears.
 I texted a couple friends and family and got encouragement to keep going. I really am so grateful for loved ones who believe in me. Melissa, Andrea, Jessica, Emily and Sean seriously helped more than they know :) I did my work out for the day during nap time and I have to say I felt even better afterward. I was sore and still am sore but I am glad I didn't quit. When Sean got home he took my pictures and I compared them to Day 1. I can still see areas that I need improvement but seeing the difference made me so happy. Sean gave me lots of complements and that really made my night. Working out is a hard thing to keep up but with a good support system and after having done it for months I'm hoping I can keep this a life style. I more flexible ( I can actually bend over and touch the floor with straight legs! I have never been able to do that before), I am stronger and I have way more endurance! I can go running for 30 hour and not be tired. Brianna, the founder of the Bikini Body Mommy, is simply amazing for doing this workout program for free for moms and other women all over the word. So here is the daily pictures from days 25 to Today Day 30 :) 

another cardio day done. I made my own hiit routine while Sean watched in the background haha 

My arms are getting more toned! 

Rest day means Family Fort time :) the kids loved it. 

I did 100 walking lunges in 2:25 ! Half way through I was thinking "why have contractions not started!?" Then I remembered I'm not pregnant. Haha. Lunges were my friend back when I was trying to induce labor. Not so much when the results are so quickly achieved. But I did it! The boat poses and oblique crunches are being felt the day after. Ouch. 

I love her face. 

Here is my picture comparing the day 1 and day 30! 

I don't know if anyone other than Sean will notice the subtle changes. I have muscle definition in my arms, my face is skinnier, I can see my abs now, my back fat roles are smaller, my waist is smaller, and my butt is smaller. I'm not completely pleased but it's not too bad so far. 30 days down and 60 to go!!!