My LITTLE Noah

Noah turned 9 months old last week. He is getting so big now. (well compared to a couple months ago but we will get to that) He is just so very vocal. I love his noises. He has become a screamer. Not in a tantrum way but in a "hey look at me and what I'm doing right now and then I'll smile at you" kind of a way. So very precious. 

 They were asleep but then Noah woke up right as I snapped the picture haha. silly goose.

Noah had his 9 month doctor appointment today. Sean and I met at his mom's house and then drove over with Noah. (side note: Sean's last day of school this semester was today! yay for break time. Three weeks til Summer school starts) Noah was in such a happy mood even during the appointment. Dr Auxier said that Noah is a happy healthy boy. He was concerned about his size though. He was in some where around the 50% for height and 25% for weight back in his 6 month appointment. Now he is in the 25% for height and the 3% for weight. Its not so much what percent he is because as we all well know every baby is different. The issue is that he went from one bracket to another so quickly and is well below his own growth chart. Dr Auxier said that it happens with some babies as they start to eat more solid food and the mother is at work that the breast milk becomes more thin and loses the creamy fat part of the milk. He stressed the importance of me still breastfeeding but said that we should start to supplement as well. So now after he eats breast milk  we are going to give him some pedia sure. We tried the formula and he just won't eat it. Sean said that my breast milk is like baby crack. Once he has had the good stuff he doesn't want the cheap knock off. haha

(disclaimer: This is a downer part of the post. I was having mixed feelings about the whole supplementing and my body not producing the milk enough or correctly)
I feel broken, or like something is wrong with me. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough. I know its not my fault. Sean is such a great husband and knew right away where my mind was going and assured me how wonderful I am and that its not in my control but I still feel a little sad. Dr Auxier said that its nothing I did. It's not like I was eating wrong, or doing things I shouldn't. My body just isn't producing the milk the way it should for Noah to grow properly. I know this. But my heart doesn't. Its just not fair. I wish it was easier. I was so excited to breastfeed and to do what is right for my baby and now I feel like I failed. So many women can breastfeed and just chose not to for the convenience of bottle feeding and I want to breastfeed so bad and I have such issues with it lately. In the beginning we had some obstacles with the shield and Noah not latching on correctly. After that it was smooth sailing for many months. I was producing quite a bit more than Noah needed and was able to freeze a lot of it for nights out. But then when I went back to work it became harder to produce. Then the added stress of finances and moving made it even more difficult. I thought that it was getting better these last two months. I was getting a good amount of milk.  It still is an issue some weeks so I have to pump extra at night to have enough for the next day but it wasn't too bad. Now I find out that even when I do get a good amount its not enough fat.

I am doing my best. I guess that's all that matters. Noah is still healthy. He just needs to gain some more weight. Or maybe he will just be a small boy. I don't know.  We shall see. Noah loves me lots though and so does Sean. And I love them both very very muchness. I am grateful that I have been given the patience and the will to breastfeed this long and that I am able to continue to do so for a couple more months. I know that it has brought Noah and I closer together and Sean admires it as well.  *Big sigh* I feel better getting all of those thoughts out. Sean and I will supplement the breast milk and things will be fine. Its not the end of the world to need help right? Good news is that Noah is still getting all the other nutrients he needs from the breast milk. He still gets the antibodies and vitamins and other things so yay for a healthy breastfed baby! He just gets an extra treat of pediasure.

So this is the sad part. At the end of the appointment Dr Auxier asked us some questions about Noah. He asked if he was watched or lived in a house that was built before 1978, if he had contact with someone with TB and all sorts of other things to see if he had been exposed to lead or TB. Turns out my parents house was build a long time ago so we had to get him tested for any lead poisoning. Every baby needs to be tested for Anemia as well at 9months but usually its just a foot prick. Since he was needing to be tested for those other things we had to take him to a lab and get blood drawn. It was the worst! Poor Noah was held by Sean while the Dr and a nurse held his arm. His veins were so tiny, even for a baby, that he needed the smallest needle. Turns out the small needle makes it take even long for the blood to be drawn. It took ten minutes to draw! They took one vile from his arm and one from his hand. Poor guy! He screamed his head off and had such big tears. It was so hard to watch. Sean looks so sad while holding him too. Right after they were done Sean handed Noah Bug to me and as soon as he was in my arms he stopped crying. He just needed some mommy love. Then he went into Sean's arms and smiled too. He loves us. He is fine now except for the bruise on his arm. Its small enough it should be gone in a day or two. I hated seeing him so sad during that blood draw. I'm glad he won't remember it. 

That was pretty much our day. Noah is just growing and growing and learning even more. He can pick things up with his thumb and pointer finger now which is a milestone. He is mobile. Not in the conventional way but whatever. He is innovative. Sean is done with school for a bit. This pleases me so much! Looks like he will have a mix of A's and B's. A pretty good semester. My smart husband man. I am so proud of him! Noah and I get some quality daddy and hubby time for a couple weeks Wahoo :)