Crappy day at work

I had the crappiest day at work today! I pretty much kept back tears all day. I was actually pretty unsuccessful at it too since I went to the bathroom to cry twice. Why for the saddness? I will tell you.
I got to work this morning in a pretty good mood ready for the day.

Then my boss asked me to come talk with him for a minute in the conference room. He then told me that he was dissapointed in my work and that I left early yesterday (it was literally 10 minutes early) and didn't print emails. The thing is that he had said long ago that when we were done with our work and there wasn't anything to do that we could just go but still put our 8 hours on our time sheets because we shouldn't mess with our pay because we got our work done early. Also I try to get all the emails printed during the day but sometimes I get so busy with all the other million responsibilities that I have that I get behind. Then my co worker Toni comes and asks if she can help so she ends up printing emails for me sometimes. We both didnt think this was a big deal but apparently to my boss it is. I don't think he realizes how much work I do. I print and log emails (these are the invoices and transmitals for the checks to be printed from), do all the mailing for everyone in the office, log and mail out returned checks, log bank statements, mail out rent statements, and then I do all the capture checks (reviewing and mailing out more checks). It fills up my day and I have to work super fast to be sure to get it all done.

There is another girl in my departement that just has to do batching. That is a pretty large job but its just one responsibility compared to my like 5. She is really good at what she does and gets done pretty fast. So when she is done she leaves early. There was a couple weeks that she came in way way later than I and my other co worker do and then still left at the same time as us. I don't think she ever got written up! I feel like there is a double standard and I don't understand it. When I get done early I am expected to go help her with her stuff. She doesn't expect me to but my boss does. I'm not upset with my co worker. . ok I'm a little bitter. But only because I feel like I am not appreciated. My boss talks about how great she is doing but never really says if I am doing good. I think my co worker is an awesome girl and we get along great I just wish I knew why there was this double standard going on.

 I do realize that I have been slacking at work in some areas but not so much that I think I deserved him to write me up.  I miss Noah while I'm at work and if I have a chance to leave early I jump to take it. I am so annoyed at the amount of work I do and the little appreciation I get for it that I sometimes would slack on getting emails printed. I guess it is my fault. But there are a lot of factors that I don't think he is taking into account.

I sat there and nodded my head as he told me that I need to prioritize and do things right the first time. I was holding back tears as he talked. Then he had me sign the paper that pretty much said I sucked and ended the meeting. I then went to the bathroom and let the tears come. I called Sean and told him what happened and then cried more. (I'm on my period so I'm a little more emotional than usual) I got myself together enough to go back out and start working on getting checks in envelopes. I'm glad the machine is so loud because I'm pretty sure it drowned out my uneven breathing from trying very hard to not cry more. I hate being told I'm not doing a good job. I really try hard to do well in everything I do. Also I felt like a little kid being repremanded. I don't even know what that means for me with being written up. Is that going to mess with any raises or bonuses? Is it going on my mid year review? If he thinks I'm not doing better is he going to fire me? I can't lose this job. First off as hard as it is for me to be a working mom I am also so grateful for this job. I enjoy working with my co workers. I love the pay and the insurance. Also we can't survive with me not working. The hours are much better than any other job I could get. I don't want to lose my job. But also I feel so under appreciated sometimes I just wish there was a way for me to stay home. Now I don't know what to do. Should I talk to my boss and let him know my feelings on everything? Or do I just suck it up and do better and just continue to be bitter and annoyed about the double standard going on?